(no subject)

[mites]

[PLAYER INFO]
NAME: Mitsu
JOURNAL: devilfine
IM: I don’t have one, but you’re free to contact me through anything else I provide!
PLURK: @ heavensfeel
E-MAIL: bloopweep@gmail.com
RETURNING: N/A

[CHARACTER INFO]
CHARACTER NAME: Sakura Matou
SERIES: Fate/Stay Night
CHRONOLOGY: Post Day 6 of the Heaven's Feel route-- When she goes to sleep after talking with Shirou.
CLASS: Hero

BACKGROUND:

Sakura’s life started out pretty well. She was born into an important family, not just in the business sense, but in the magic world as well. The Tohsaka are one of the highest quality families, their history of great mages including even a sorcerer. She had an older sister who cared for her, a doting mother and father, and an overall comfortable life. And so, she lived without many problems until she hit the age of 8. In a sense, that year was the start of the rest of her life.

Because of various difficulties in raising two children while teaching them both magic, Sakura’s father decided that instead of letting strangers take her her in for experiments, he’d rather give Sakura up for adoption to a family he knew well. You see, Sakura was born with an extremely rare ability, and so her magic circuits, what let her use magic, were of the highest class. If she wasn’t going to be putting them to use, then people would surely use them for her. And so, she was shipped off to the Matou household, another high class family in the magic world, who’s only heir was unable to use magic.

Then things went terribly, terribly wrong.

The Matou magic dealt with bugs which, if it wasn’t gross enough already, meant she had to be thrown into a pit of squirming demon spawn bugs that caused enough sexual pleasure to literally fry a grown man’s brain. The Matou magic didn’t simply use bugs, it turned the person themself into a host for parasitic bugs that feasted on their magic circuits. Now, Sakura was only eight years old when this happened, but even so she survived through the first few days, which gave the Matous hope to be able to participate in The Holy Grail War™.

The Holy Grail War™ is, as the title says, a war over the “Holy Grail”, which, if one, grants the winner one wish. Now, the grail isn’t something that received the blood of Christ, but it holds an infinite amount of magical energy enough to rival it. Every year, the grail chooses seven mages who have a wish for it, consciously or subconsciously, and gives them enough magical energy to summon a super strong familiar called a servant, who is the incarnation of a hero from years past.

When Sakura started her training, The Holy Grail War™ of that time was in it’s initial stages, and she was being trained for the next one. However, once a family friend of the Tohsaka, who was part of the Matou family, learned of Sakura’s situation, he decided to win the current Holy Grail War™ in order to free her. Which, ultimately ended in his death, and she took it as a sign that she could never escape nor go against the man who adopted her no matter how hard things got.

Her life in the Matou household continued all the same, with her being constantly violated by worms. As time went on, it all worsened. Shinji “Asswipe” Matou, the heir I mentioned earlier that couldn’t use magic, found out that Sakura was actually being secretly trained as a mage, and his jealousy consumed him. He felt as if he was being replaced, and so, he decided to make Sakura “his”. He not only raped her, he also beat her constantly, and drove home the point that she was not human, she was only a tool for the Matou to win The Holy Grail War™, a tool that belonged to him.

She was also constantly denied of basic privileges, and her food was poisoned in order to control the worms inside her body. The way she was punished? Shinji would spill aphrodisiacs on her, making the worms inside her go into a frenzy and eat at her from the inside.

Living like this turned Sakura into a shell of a human being. She was jealous, and she despised everyone. Why did no one save her? Why did everyone turn a blind eye to her? She didn’t deserve that. Everyone’s lives were so much better, but even so they complained. All of these feelings were simmering inside of her, but she kept quiet and stopped showing emotions. It wouldn’t do her any good to anger Shinji or Zouken.

However, one day late after school, she looked out at the sunset and saw an older boy aimlessly trying to jump. It was clearly fruitless, there was no way he could reach whatever he was reaching for, and he didn’t have to do it since he wasn’t in any clubs, but even so he kept trying. She watched him for a long time, until he finally stopped, looking satisfied. It both confused her and fascinated her. No matter what, he didn’t give up, and the look on his face clearly showed some accomplishment. At first, she judged him harshly, but the more she thought of it, the more she admired him.

She wanted to get closer to him.

She wanted the same drive he had.

Little by little, she attempted to get close to him without any results. She wasn’t very outgoing thanks to her situation, and she hadn’t made even a single friend at school, but even so she tried to pass by him, or get close to him through Shinji who knew him. Until, one day, he was injured, and couldn’t take care of himself. She quickly jumped at the opportunity, offering him her help. He denied, but she waited every day for him outside of his house, and he had no choice but to accept her offer. That’s how she met Shirou Emiya, and how he became her most important person.

She learned how to cook and clean, and quickly became proficient in it. While tending to him, they slowly grew closer, until Shirou became her only friend, and the person she loved. In the end, even after he healed, she continued going to his home and cooking for him. Every day, for breakfast and dinner, she’d go. No longer did she have to eat poisoned food, or stay cooped up in that dark basement filled with bugs, but instead she had her own little makeshift family. She could be herself.

At school, she also came into contact with her blood sister, Rin, but they remained as strangers, only saying hello and helping each other occasionally. Sakura held a grudge against Rin, so it’s safe to say that she didn’t actively go out to search for her. To Sakura, Rin had already forgotten the fact that they were blood related. She was a Matou now.

PERSONALITY:

A quiet, beautiful girl whose eyes don’t quite look at you when you’re talking, Sakura Matou is someone who hides her face behind her bangs and doesn’t dare smile at anyone. With a downcast expression, she never makes any friends at her school, and only appears to go through the motions of things, instead of actually living. However, she does have her good traits. She is respectful, and once she gets close to someone, she'll be cheerful, and do their best to aid them however she can. However, this is mostly a farce that Sakura does to not make people worry about her. She is always trying to appear alright in front of her loved ones, since she doesn't want to trouble them.

"Broken things do not repair themselves, and lost things never return. If you wanted to save her, you should have done so eleven years ago."

The only word that can adequately describe Sakura is broken. She's been abandoned, used, abused; you name it. Abandoned by her family and left in the care of the Matou family, they forced Sakura to undergo nightmarish training so she would be able to use their magic. Dropped in a pit of worms that violated every crevice of her young body, it is even stated that some of this training drives most people insane in just one night. They put poison in her food, and was often hit and raped by her adoptive brother. From a young age, Sakura has never had freedom nor her own will. She was more of a thing, a tool, than a human.

In time, she learned and accepted that she could never escape, and that it would be better to do as they say, for she is powerless against them. This was aided by the death of her uncle, who Zouken, her legal guardian, used to make her think that it was a consequence of having gone against things. She forgot what it was to want things, to have fun or what it was that made her happy. Sakura stopped having emotions, and started closing herself in so that she could bear with everything. She's not so kind as to forgive her family and the world for ignoring her, but because she lost her emotions and resigned herself to thinking that it was simply meant to be that way, she didn't blame anyone for her troubles for a long time.

It’s no wonder that Sakura has developed a very twisted personality. She often contradicts herself and doesn't know what is right or wrong. Although she is kind to those she loves, Sakura can also be passive aggressive, jealous, cunning, and very resentful. She does not want to be this way, and often tries to push back any dark thoughts, but it tends to slip a lot. At one point, she even wished for Shirou to lose his limbs so he wouldn't fight and get hurt anymore. Or, when Saber was defeated, she was happy that she was no longer here, even though she knew what that meant. No, Sakura is not evil at heart, but because of all that has been done to her, she is bitter. She doesn't want what little happiness she has gained taken from her, and she doesn't want other people to be happy while she is in a living hell. It's wrong and she knows it, but Sakura is so frustrated with her way of life and unchanging situation that she doesn't know what else to do, or what else to think.

It's obvious that Sakura is very confused and vexed, for her thoughts are so contradicting that she simply ends up doing nothing again and again. In the end, thanks to her situation, Sakura began to hate herself instead of everyone else.

She's created a barrier against hurtful words and abusive actions. She is stubborn, and will not back down once she's decided on something. Sakura may not have a way of fighting back, but she has blocked anything and everything from coming in except for what she wants to let in, creating the strongest emotional fortress. It's so great, that she was even able to get back to her senses after becoming insane. No, it might be possible that she never truly went insane, and was just unleashing all her pent-up emotions.

"…It was clear to me last night. She is special when she is with you, but I believe she behaves differently in other circumstances. Sakura is liberated from her guilty conscience only when she is with you."

The person who is, arguably, most important to Sakura, and definitely the person who's most changed her, is Shirou. From the first time she saw him, he helped her. He was the embodiment of what she couldn’t be and couldn’t have, and at first she was jealous, but her curiosity led her to get closer to him. Someone who never gave up, who didn't complain, who took her in and treated her like family; it's no wonder she fell for him. The normally gloomy and downcast Sakura suddenly began to smile, to feel happiness, to regain her once lost emotions. With Shirou, she could play house and cook, laugh and enjoy time with people who treated her kindly. She could forget about everything for a little while.

With his help, Sakura stops being the broken and useless puppet, and she starts regaining her sense of self. For once in a very, very long time, Sakura smiles brightly, and it's all thanks to Shirou. He may not have done so consciously, but in a way, he saved Sakura. He could never truly fix her, but he saves her from going over the edge. After meeting him, Sakura becomes slightly more confident, if only a bit. She begins to ask for things, to want, and to enjoy. By his side, Sakura acts like a normal girl, one who smiles and laughs and can look at people in the eye. The Sakura we see for most of Fate/Stay Night is both the real Sakura and the farce she puts on to not worry Shirou.

"Why!? It was different for me. We were sisters, we were born to the same family, but I had nothing! I was trapped in the room with worms and was treated as an object!"

"You just kept smiling, having no idea. You took no notice of the miserable girl and lived happily in the Tohsaka household. Why…!? We're sisters and we're both human, so how come you're the only one smiling like that…!?"

Someone that gave her a bit of hope when she was younger was her older sister, Rin Tohsaka. Rin was her ideal, the person she most wanted to be like, and the person she most resented. Rin had everything Sakura had ever wanted, and everything she lost. At first, she believed that, since they were sisters, she'd come and save her. They were family, right? Why wouldn't she? So she waited, clinging to that sliver hope, until time passed and she realized that she'd never come. The confident, bright older sister that Sakura had pinned her last remaining hope on was living happily with her family and had appeared to have forgotten her completely. Although Sakura had resigned herself to her fate, as always, there was always some part of her that longed for that life, and that hated Rin Tohsaka for being the one to live it. She sought both Rin's acknowledgment and love, and her demise.

At least, she thought that she hated Rin. In truth. any hate that Sakura feels is nothing but her inability to do anything about her situation, resulting in a lot of frustration and anger. Not to mention that she is someone who dislikes conflict, and doesn't want to hurt or burden anyone. From start to finish, she always tried to deal with things on her own, so she can't do anything but hold in all her complaints and let them simmer until they boil over.

POWER:

• Imaginary Numbers:

An incredibly rare ability that is effective against beings made out of ether, in other words, spirits. It doesn’t work on things that have a physical body. Along with the Matou family’s teachings, it’s possible to capture and imprison a spirit into another dimension where Shadows live, and once she becomes the premature version of Angra Mainyu, she can even use this ability against humans. Not much else is said about this in canon, and Sakura has never been taught to use it.

• Dark Sakura:

Since Sakura was actually being turned into a sort of fake “Holy Grail” by Zouken, he can turn her into a premature Angra Mainyu at his will, which is an evil being that resides within the Holy Grail. However, once she regains consciousness and rejects Zouken’s orders, she becomes “Dark Sakura”. She has access to the infinite amount of magical energy in the holy grail in this state and can therefore use powerful magic simply from what little she knew of magecraft. Once she’s in this state she is bound by contract to the spirit of Angra Mainyu, since she serves as a host for him, and therefore cannot revert unless the contract is severed in some way.

• Shadow Summoning

While as Dark Sakura, she can summon “Shadows”, towering spirits from the dimension she can banish spirits to via Imaginary Numbers. They are so powerful that three or more of them can overpower a Servant. They do not follow direct orders from her, but instead they follow her subconscious will. If she is angry at someone, they will attack them even if she didn’t consciously wish for it.

[CHARACTER SAMPLES]

COMMUNITY POST (VOICE) SAMPLE:

[ She decides to address the community via text, because she doesn’t trust herself to be able to remain completely calm if she was to speak it out loud. That would worry them, right? Not only that, but things might get complicated... This was the easiest way, in the end.

Hopefully she doesn’t mess up, she’s never really used a handheld phone before... ]

Hello. I have a question for everyone. It might seem sort of... weird, but I want to know other people’s opinions.

Do you think a bad person can be a hero? Not someone who has done bad things in the past but changed for the better. I mean someone who still continues to do bad things, but is forced to be a hero. Do you think they can and should do it?

Does that make sense? Sorry if it’s confusing, I don’t know how to phrase it another way.

Ah, that’s all. Thank you in advance.

LOGS POST (PROSE) SAMPLE:

“Mission?”

It’s not something she’s done before, that’s for sure. Isn’t that something heroes do? Even though she was told she was a hero... She couldn’t really accept it so easily. Someone who’s always lived in the darkness can’t possibly have that sort of job. That was for people who shined, who truly wanted to help others. Shirou wanted to be a superhero, and she thought that there was no one better for that role.
It was obviously not something for her.

But, something stops her from immediately turning the offer down. It’s the single, nagging thought that stops her from doing so. She imagines that Rin would take up such a mission without hesitating. Of course she would, she’s always better than her, she’d always shine brighter than her. It didn’t matter how hard it was, or if it was even suitable for her, she’d take the job and do it with elegance. It makes her hands clench into fists, a small rare reaction. She hates that idea, because she knows just how right it is. Rin would take that moment from her.

She definitely doesn’t want that. Then she’d have to admit that she’d be more fitting for Shirou, that she’s better than her even here in this new place. Even though things were going so well back home, she’d take the spotlight again.

But-- doesn’t she have the power she wanted now to stop that from happening, though?

“I’ll do it.” Her voice is unusually firm, but she smiles.

Sakura Matou is definitely not a hero. She’s someone who’s lived in darkness all her life, someone who thinks bad thoughts and does bad things. She is most definitely a bad person. But that doesn’t matter right now, because she’s not doing this to be a hero.

She’s doing it because she wants to.

FINAL NOTES: Nothing!